So, I wanted to start off Ep. 64 on a personal note, as I sometimes do, because as you know, I’m not just a lawyer; I’m also a caregiver. I want to share with you a deeply personal story about my own journey with my 83-year-old mother, who recently had a stroke and is transitioning from independent living to assisted living care.
If you’re facing a similar situation or just trying to prepare for the future, this episode is for you. We’ll talk about the emotional toll, the legal issues that can arise, and the tools you should have in place long before a crisis happens. And yes, we’ll discuss how you can care for yourself as a caregiver because, as many of you know, caregiving is a journey that requires emotional, physical, and legal support.
So, my husband and I have been caregivers for my mother for over ten years now. This went from moving her in with a friend in Florida early on to offer some additional support in their daily lives, to both of them moving in with us for several years. After my mother’s friend passed away, my mother moved to an apartment, which was isolating, and then on to independent living, where she has been for the last five years, until a recent stroke affected her right side and her ability to get up, walk, and move around. This included that hard discussion about where she should go next—straight to a nursing home and the challenge of paying for that—or if she was still a candidate for assisted living, where she could receive care but not feel as though she was an invalid.
We had to find that emotional balance, followed by the practical side of necessary care and financial ability. After about six weeks in the hospital and then skilled nursing care, we made some decisions, along with the realization that she was not able to go back to her independent living arrangement. That meant a scary new, unknown frontier for her; loss of friends and familiarity; not to mention trying to pack up all her things and determining what can and should come to the new place versus what she no longer needs, or what we should do with most of the other things that she has accumulated. Not easy stuff.
- Episode 64: Caregiver Support and Navigating a Loved One’s Transition in Care
- Episode 63: Is it safe for me to live alone?
- Medicaid 5-Year Lookback: Explained by an Estate Planning Attorney
- Episode 61: The Consequences of Conservatorships
- Episode 60: What Exactly is a Conservatorship?
Aging is something we all know is coming—it’s part of the natural cycle of life. But even with that knowledge, the emotional toll of seeing a parent transition from independent living to assisted living or a nursing home can be overwhelming. It’s like watching someone who has always been strong and independent slowly fade, and it can feel like a heavy burden to carry.
Serious emotional toll as well. When my mother had her stroke, it was a wake-up call. A reminder of that role reversal; I was the one making decisions, overseeing her care, and managing the logistics of her transition into assisted living. And let me tell you, it’s not easy. Emotionally, it’s a whirlwind of guilt, grief, and anxiety. There’s this constant tug-of-war between wanting to respect her autonomy and understanding that she needs more help than she’s willing to admit.
And then, as a professional in elder law, I thought I had everything in place. I had my clients prepared for the inevitable, but when it hits home, it’s a whole different ballgame. I found myself doing a deep dive into all the legal tools that would ensure my mother’s well-being, but I also found myself facing the very real emotions of letting go of what once was.
If you’re listening today and in a similar situation, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you do. It’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to feel frustrated, and it’s okay to have moments of self-doubt. What you’re going through is hard, but it’s also part of the process. And as caregivers, we have to find a way to manage those emotions while also staying strong for the person we’re caring for. I thought this was an important time not only to talk about the issues that come up but maybe by sharing you out there in a similar situation may find some encouragement, which is important as well – – I am a person of faith.
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