Today we’re talking about funeral home drama. You don’t want it – you may worry about that one loose cannon that may show up a the funeral, right. I’ve got a few of those in my own family so I know you’re pain. When family feuds, old grudges, and poor planning collide at one of the most emotional times in life. I’ve seen stories of it all — the brawls, the breakdowns, and yes, even a fistfight next to the casket. So, grab your coffee, settle in, and let’s talk about how you can spare your loved ones a soap opera when the time comes.
Let’s kick things off with some real-life stories. Of course, names have been changed to protect the guilty — and the innocent!! Right? Some of these scenarios may sound familiar. Let me know if you’ve experienced any funeral home drama such as the following…
1. The “He’s Not Wearing THAT!” Incident
The final attire for the late family member is an important decision. This is what they will be wearing for eternity. You want them to look good. This family had a knock down drag out over the outfit that their late father would wear. The brother insisted their late father be buried in a Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts. The much more traditional sister, on the other hand, wanted Dad in a classic suit — navy, with a pocket square. The funeral director had to pause the service while the siblings duked it out in the lobby. They ended up compromising… sort of. Dad was buried in the suit — but with flip-flops. I kid you not.
Moral of the story: Write down your funeral wishes, folks. Yes, even down to the shoes.
This might be even worse – found this story out of New Jersey – where family provided the clothing for their family member’s funeral. They plan was for them to be cremated. So family came the day before to check on things and say their last goodbyes before the cremation service. Apparently, they came face-to-face not with their loved one but a stranger dressed to the nines in their family member’s clothes. Oops.
2. The Missing Ring
At another service for the family matriarch who lived a health 104 years, which I know this to be true as it involved distant family – the daughter glanced down at her mother in the coffin and noticed her mother’s heirloom ring — the one promised to her since childhood — wasn’t on her mom’s finger . There was that one family member, right? You know him/her. He had just been seen a few moments ago by his late mother’s side and before backing away gave his mother a sweet farewell kiss on the hand. Hmmm You know he was asked to spit it out and back it went on mama’s hand.
Takeaway: Have a personal property memo. Inventory sentimental items, assign them clearly, and don’t leave it up to memory — or greed.
😤 3. Then there’s the Eulogy – when emotions can run wild.
One client’s funeral turned into a verbal battle when the estranged brother grabbed the mic during the eulogy and proceeded to tell everyone how the deceased had “never been there for him.” Cue gasps, and a very uncomfortable buffet afterward.
Lesson: Pre-plan who speaks at your service — and make it clear who shouldn’t.
These are just a few – there are worse ones out there. We will talk about what I’ve labeled the TOP 5 WORST FAMILY OFFENSES AT THE FUNERAL HOME. When we come back.
If you’re wondering There are no laws specifically targeting behavior at funerals in Tennessee. Therefore, the general application of laws against public intoxication, disturbing the peace, or illegal activities would apply.
- Possible Offenses:
- Public Intoxication: Being visibly intoxicated in a public place, including a funeral, could lead to arrest.
- Disturbing the Peace: Engaging in loud or disruptive behavior that disrupts the solemnity of the funeral could be considered disturbing the peace.
- Illegal Activities: Any illegal activity, such as drug use or theft, could be prosecuted, regardless of the location.
- Context Matters: The specific laws that might be applicable would depend on the nature of the behavior. For example, a loud argument could be considered disturbing the peace, while using drugs would be a separate crime.
- General Rule: Maintaining order and respect is expected at funerals. Actions that disrupt the peace or cause a disturbance could lead to legal consequences
Top 5 Worst Behaviors at Funerals
Here’s a quick list of the most common — and cringe-worthy — bad behavior I’ve seen:
- Fighting over the obituary.
(“Why wasn’t my name listed?”) - Arguing over seating.
(“I’m the real wife!” Yes, this happens.) - Taking selfies with the deceased.
No explanation needed. - Bringing up the Will… at the wake.
“So who got the house?” is not appropriate funeral talk. - Surprise guests.
Like the secret girlfriend.
So how do you avoid the chaos? Now let’s get to the part that’s really important — how to avoid becoming one of these stories.
✅ 1. Create a Funeral Directive
This is a document that spells out your funeral wishes. Clothes, location, open casket vs. closed, music, pallbearers — all of it. It’s legally binding in many states and removes the guesswork. This is something I often do with my clients. Set the parameters even down to the details – maybe even right the obituary yourself. Who knows you better than you?
✅ 2. Choose a Designated Decision-Maker
Pick one person — and back them up legally. You can name a “funeral agent” in your will or separate directive. Otherwise, family members might all have equal say — and that’s a recipe for chaos.
✅ 3. Write a Personal Property Memo
This is a simple add-on to your will listing who gets what personal items — jewelry, photos, Grandpa’s pipe. Prevent squabbles over keepsakes by making it crystal clear.
✅ 4. Prepay or Set Aside Funds
Money is one of the top reasons for drama. Prepay your funeral through a reputable funeral home, or set aside funds in a payable-on-death account. No scrambling, no arguing over cost.
✅ 5. Communicate Early and Often
Have a family meeting while you’re alive and well. Let them know your plans and preferences. It doesn’t have to be heavy — have coffee, make it casual, but be clear.
Keep the peace during a time when peace should be the overriding mood. What do funeral home directors do about downplaying drama? You know they’ve got to have some stories in the vault and I found a few. Here we go and not in any sensical order:
1. A not-so-deceased husband
“I’ve had a reverend talk about the deceased woman finally being with her dead husband who was actually alive and well and in the front row [at the service].”
2. Funeral directors on the run
“When the funeral we were conducting decided to follow a hearse from another funeral. We had to chase them all the way to the church to retrieve them!”
3. The circle of life
“One woman went into labor and gave birth at the funeral home!”
4. Hidden cell phone
“Dropping my cell phone from my pocket into the casket while transferring the deceased. We didn’t even notice. I was on call that night, so I went out and got a new phone because I couldn’t find mine. Right before they closed the casket, the funeral director nonchalantly checked under the deceased person’s legs and… THERE IT WAS! Can you imagine if I didn’t get a new phone… it could have started ringing during the viewing! GASP!”
6. Put up your dukes
“A fist fight…. but thankfully the law was there at the request of the family….whew!” That’s another idea – maybe hire security in advance, Big strong bouncer.
7. Angry walker
“My boss at the funeral home was caught in the crossfire of an angry grandmother throwing her walker at another family member.”
8. UFC breakout
“A professional UFC fighter passed away and I had to break up a fight out in front of the chapel between his sister and his ex-girlfriend. That was a fun one!”
9. When tragedy strikes
“I was directing a funeral for an elderly man, and his wife died during the service. Right in the front row. No words could ever describe how I felt that day…”
10. Breaking and entering
“The craziest thing that ever happened to me at a funeral home was when someone tried to break into the funeral home in the middle of the night. I lived in the apartment right upstairs. People should really be more afraid of the living than the dead!”
11. Mistress at a funeral
“I picked up the mistress in the limo… instead of the widow.”
12. Wrong time for a crash
“We had a car crash through the funeral home while leaving with a funeral!”
13. Amazing grace
“I had a woman preach the funeral of her own son. After calling him a litany of derogatory names, she proceeded to call her boyfriend (who was younger than her deceased son) to the front podium, then asked me to ‘play that song’, and as I played Amazing Grace, she and her man slow danced in front of her son’s casket.
Look, grief makes people act out. It’s raw, messy, and sometimes brings out the worst. But a little planning — and a little paperwork — goes a long way. The goal is to let your family focus on remembering you, not wrestling over whether “Amazing Grace” or “Freebird” plays at the service.
If you haven’t started your estate plan, now’s the time. And if you have — dust it off and add that funeral directive. Your future self — and your family — will thank you.
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Disclaimer: The information provided on this website and on the podcast is not intended to be considered as legal advice or constitute an attorney/client relationship as provided under the Tennessee Rules of Professional Conduct.
