Dealing with the loss of a loved one is never easy. It’s a time filled with grief, a whirlwind of emotions, and a lot of uncertainty. On my podcast, Boomer Time, I often get asked, “What do I do next?” when someone loses a loved one. It’s a 911 call for help, and honestly, it’s a question that needs a thoughtful answer.
First and foremost, let’s acknowledge the pain. Grief is essential. Allow yourself to feel it. Many times, a loss follows a long illness or a challenging period of caregiving. Recognize that loss, and let yourself grieve before anything else. The practical matters can wait, trust me. As a person of faith, I believe my loved ones are in a better place, but that doesn’t diminish the pain of loss. Grief has its own timetable, and suppressing it will only make it resurface later. Lean on your support system. You’re not meant to navigate this alone. I understand that some of you may be experiencing raw and even angry feelings. That’s okay. It’s all part of the process. Pray, if that’s your way of coping.
Now, let’s talk about some practical steps. If you’re the executor, personal representative, or trustee, understand that you’re stepping into a leadership role. Your family will look to you for guidance. Set a tone of communication and transparency. Answer their questions, and share relevant documents when possible. Nothing creates more disputes than a perceived lack of information. Take this role seriously. You’re there to lead and reassure your family through a tough time. Remember, they are grieving too, and they may be unsure about what’s coming next. Estate administration takes time. Getting into court for probate, if necessary, can take weeks. Share this information. The unknown only adds to the grief.
So, what are the first steps? Allow for grief and honor the lost relationship. Then, communicate with your family. Your loved one chose you for this role for a reason. Be the leader they expected you to be. Guide your family without creating disputes. Setting expectations from the beginning is key.
This might not be what you expected as the top priorities, but we’ll get to the practical tasks. Estate administration isn’t a solo event. You’ll need professional help: lawyers, CPAs, financial advisors. Before that, you’ll likely need to plan a funeral. Funerals are expensive, and pre-planning can be a huge gift to your family. I always encourage my estate planning clients to include a funeral plan. It prevents added stress during an already difficult time. Consider assigning a life insurance policy to cover funeral expenses. If your loved one was in the military, explore VA benefits and ensure you have the DD214 discharge papers.
As a personal representative, you have a duty to protect your loved one’s interests. Secure their property. Prevent mail and newspapers from piling up. That signals an empty house. Secure the property to prevent family members from taking items without proper authorization. It happens more often than you’d think. Also, be aware of individuals who watch obituaries to identify potential targets for burglary. Inform the police for extra watch.
Secure bank and investment accounts. They may be frozen until you have legal authority through Letters Testamentary. You might need to pay bills out-of-pocket temporarily. Accessing death certificates takes time, usually a week or more. You’ll need them for claims and closing accounts. If your loved one lived alone, lock up their home and vehicle. Ask someone to check in on the property. Lock up valuables. Watch out for personal effects disappearing.
Other helpful Boomer Time episodes
- Episode 72: Navigating High-Net-Worth Estates
- Episode 71: What to Do When a Loved One Dies?
- Episode 70: How to Plan Your Final Wishes
- Episode 69 : Cringeworthy Things that Happen at Funerals
- Episode 68: Are There Any Dumb Estate Planning Questions?
If Social Security benefits were being received, stop the checks. The government will reclaim any overpayments. Some family members may be eligible for death benefits. Inform Social Security. Do the same for pensions and retirement benefits. To prevent identity theft, notify one of the major credit bureaus. They’ll inform the others.
What about estate administration? Good question. Survivors need to know where assets should go. Ideally, there’s a will with an executor named. If not, the court will appoint an administrator. Meeting with a trusts and estates attorney is advisable. The cost is usually covered by the estate, but you’ll need court permission. Also, contact a CPA. The estate and a final tax return for the deceased may need to be filed. Probate is the legal process of validating a will. Debts and liabilities are paid first. Keep paying bills, like utilities and insurance. You’ll be reimbursed, but you must get court approval. Establishing probate can take weeks. Begin by meeting with an attorney. They can get you on the court’s calendar and assist with the initial steps. Once probate is established, creditors will be notified and given time to file claims.
Make an inventory of all assets. This includes bank accounts, real estate, vehicles, and personal property. You’ll need to file this with the court. For personal property, consider hiring an appraiser. Tracking down assets can be a huge task. Search tax returns, mail, email, and bank accounts. Leave no stone unturned. Close social media and email accounts to prevent identity theft. Many providers need a death certificate and proof of your role as executor. Handle the passport and cancel subscriptions and memberships. Finally, update voter registration. Notify the appropriate authorities.
Estate administration is complex and time-consuming. Beneficiaries often don’t receive distributions for a year. Throughout this process, keep them informed. Act in the best interests of your loved one, not your own. That will lead to problems. Maybe I should do an episode on executor “don’ts.” What do you think? What other questions do you have? I’d love to hear from you. If you like the podcast, share it with a friend, and follow us on Facebook and YouTube. If you need help with estate planning or administration, reach out for a strategy session.
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Disclaimer: The information provided on this website and on the podcast is not intended to be considered as legal advice or constitute an attorney/client relationship as provided under the Tennessee Rules of Professional Conduct.
