Episode 1: Meet The Sandwich Generation

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This podcast is all about preparing, caring,  and protecting you as a caregiver, your baby boomer parents, and your family.  More and more of us are being called to care for our parents as they age – decline following diagnosis with dementia and other diagnosis.  That’s what we are here to am here to share those experiences and many resources I have accumulated over the years – with the hopes of better preparing you for caregiving of a parent or loved one, friend whoever that person may be.   I want to build community here – a safe place where we can learn, ask questions, find comfort.  

In this episode, we are talking about something being dubbed the “sandwich generation” and as I explained briefly in our introduction that is label being given to anyone experiencing the struggle of simultaneously caring for children and aging parents is part of the sandwich generation. The sandwich generation is a group of middle-aged adults who care for both their aging parents and their own children.  Although “generation” is part of the phrase, it doesn’t refer to people born at a specific time. Typically, these family caregivers will be in the 30- to 40-year-old age range, providing for their families and balancing care duties between the needs of children and parents.

What is causing this “issue”  

The rise in the numbers in the sandwich generation is a byproduct of two influential trends: 

1. Women are giving birth later in life, and the senior population is increasing. 
2. BLAME COVID AGAIN and the fear of placing aging parents into long-term care facilities where viruses spread easily in communities of people with declining health. Many families pivoted to caring for their loved ones at home.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. You are most likely experiencing significant anxiety and stress as you juggle school and activities for your children, expectations at work, changing family dynamics, and daily caregiver duties. Though this is a challenging time in your life, it doesn’t have to be as hard as it seems. 

Jacqueline’s Story

“I’m one of the millions caring for older parents. At 29, I wasn’t ready or prepared to be a caregiver. Life had other plans.”

By Jacquelyn Reeves, Op Ed in Los Angeles Times, dated July 17, 2022

I was on the subway headed to a friend’s comedy show on the lower east side when I received a call that changed every plan, I had for myself. I answered and stepped off the train, and from that moment on, everything moved like lighting. Within a couple of days, I was home, back in Los Angeles. My mother’s and grandmother’s need for my care was so sudden and so vast that I didn’t comprehend that the move would be permanent. At that time, I lived in New York City. My goal was to become a late-might TV writer. I had decided to take a stab at stand-up comedy to improve my speaking skills. As a person who stutters, I thought public speaking was my greatest fear. It wasn’t.

Caregiving means being trusted with the culmination of someone else’s life. It’s a gift to be allowed to support someone who is approaching the end of their life, but it also takes an emotional toll. At 29, I became caregiver to both my mother and grandmother. My grandmother Joyce, then 78, had been diagnosed with dementia four years earlier, and my mom had started showing signs of it at 59. I was less than equipped for this journey I was getting ready to take. But I now realize that only time could have taught me the lessons needed to be a caregiver. I failed miserably over and over again.

I was filled with guilt, resentment, and sorrow at what I had to take on. It felt like God had a personal vendetta against me. It’s nearly impossible to describe the continual state of mourning one takes on when they become a dementia caregiver unless you’ve experienced it firsthand.

I watched the disease further tear apart my already torn apart family. My grandmother’s incredibly strong will, her increasing paranoia, the yelling, the refusal to eat, near the end everything becomes hard.
Being a caregiver to my mother felt like living in a different dimension with a person you’ve known your entire life – but in this world they are only fragments of themselves. Caregiving is daunting but given the right mindset and support system its doable and can even mold you into a more compassionate, caring and socially aware person.

See full article here: https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2023-11-05/old-elderly-aging-senior-parents-families-caregiver-immigrant-home-healthcare

Steps you should take

There are steps to take to minimize frustration – help if you find yourself in this sandwich generation position. I’m going to put these in my show notes and you can find these at Apple podcast or Spotify or on my website nancycogar.com 

6 Ways for Caregivers of the Sandwich Generation to Plan

1. Start by reprioritizing daily routines. If there seems to be an overwhelming number of tasks to accomplish in a day, prioritize between urgent and non-urgent categories to determine what needs to be addressed first.
    
2. Make time for self-care to avoid caregiver burnout. Focusing on basics like nutritious meals, adequate sleep, and exercise will serve you and your loved ones well.
    
3. Know your rights at your workplace. Programs like the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) offer job security to those taking a leave of absence for family medical reasons. While it’s not a paid benefit, you will maintain access to your health insurance benefits for up to 12 weeks off. If you haven’t already, explore working remotely to put you in the same physical location as those you care for in your home.
    
4. Share your feelings about the challenges you are facing and get extra help when you need it. Talking things through with family members can better manage everyone’s expectations. There are also forums and community resources that can put you in touch with others in the sandwich generation, where you can share information and offload burdens.
    
5. Make an honest evaluation of your available financial resources before determining a new course of action.
   
   • Are your parents able to pay for their care on their own, even within your own home?
   • Do they carry long-term care insurance or whole life insurance policies with living benefits?
   • Are other family members willing to contribute financially, or is a public assistance option viable?

6. Talk things through with your parents about their preferences and abilities to pay for health care services. Discuss ideas with siblings and figure out who can help provide care and whose home provides the best solution. If external help is a must, research local possibilities and costs.
7.  Also it’s important to see an estate planning attorney – not a general practicing attorney but an attorney with practice in “estate planning” and a knowledge of elder law to put some estate planning documents place.  You must have a requisite capacity level to make estate planning documents including powers of attorney and a Last Will and Testament so its important to do these now versus down the road when someone with dementia may no longer have that requisite capacity level and the only option at that point may be a Court-ordered and supervised conservatorship.  Also, asset management can help in protecting assets while maintaining eligibility for nursing home assistance, if that’s something you want to look at.  If you are in Tennessee and/or in the Chattanooga area and you this is something you would like to discuss with me you can reach out to me at on my website nancycogar.com.  There are also resources available there you may find helpful and you can subscribe to my newsletter Elder law News you can use.